What do I want?

Since my last post I've been to the wonderful states on Connecticut, New York, and now I'm back in Massachusetts. We worked with Pepperidge Farm in Connecticut, and I'm heading to Atlanta next week to spend two weeks working with both CSX and T-Mobile on back to back projects. Its not that I don't want to talk about what it is I am volunteering to do, I just feel so many other people are writing about it that I don't really want to.

I spent last weekend in NYC with some of my co-workers and three friends from the city. I brought in my birthday sitting in the Czech beer garder in Astoria sharing 3 pitchers of fine Czech beer and eating sausage with sauerkraut. My birthday was actually spent walking around Manhattan and Brooklyn with 3 teammates. I found an awesome coffee shop off the G line called the Tiny Cup. After Sara and Lindsay got lottery broadway tickets to Hairspray (I declined getting one) we went down the street to get $5 martinis (leechie) and dinner at a Mexican restaurant with $3 margaritas.

There I met up with Sarah Kate, Manny and Tanya and we went out to Neptune diner, one of my favorite Polish diners in NYC for small food and beer. Then it was back to Manny and Tanya's apartment for a smoke and relaxing on the front stoop where we were serenaded by a poem from a random passerby. I'm currently trying to remember the poem or poet, but really it doesn't matter. It was the perfect way to end my birthday. I wanted something low-key without the expectation of getting drunk, and that's exactly what I got. The next morning I was wanting to be alone, so I headed near Grand Central and found a small eatery with sidewalk tables and had some breakfast while listening to my walkman and reading Desert Solitare by Edward Abby.

Reading, I really realize how much i miss the independence and freedom of the outdoors. I constantly remember my week in Longcreek, SC with Justin with a sense of nostalgia. I even tried to bow drill when I got back to Boston and failed miserably. I ended up blaming my failure on not having a fire blanket or some other crap and let it slide. I think for the holidays I'm going to grab a pack and go for a hike near the Grand Canyon. I just want to be away from cars, people, buildings and the trapping stress that eventually follows. What I wouldn't give to be in a kayak, canoe, or rubber raft floating down some river for several days, soaking in everything around me.

When I got back into Boston I went whale watching with my team on one of the guaranteed whale sighting tours. It was so great being on a boat in open water, but the surrounding of cameras and the false sense of wilderness really made me sad inside. How wild is it to go see whales that all have names and be part of a fleet of boats that circles on the surface of the water waiting to watch them surface, spray, and pull their tails out to dive again. Don't get me wrong they are truly facinating creatures migrating from the Caribbean to the New England coast every year. I learned a bit (A migration takes 5 weeks with humpback whales travelling about 5 to 15 miles and hour and eating up to 60 pounds of food a day) but wanted to stay on the water and just keep sailing to unknown places instead of turning back.

What's wrong with me that I never want to stay in the same place. I think there is just too much of the world to see and visit, and yet I know that if everyone thought the same way I did then the world would be a miserable place to explore because there would be too many people searching for the nooks and crannies that have thus been relatively undisturbed to this point. I just hear of so many opportunities and I want to grab at them all. I want to follow Sean Edwin to Spain with a one way ticket and an idea of how I'm going to live, but no real plan. I want to use Lindsay Webb's name to get a job cutting fish in the fish market in Alaska for a summer. I want to go with Angie and Steve on a extended trip to South America. I want to be like Morgan Greenseth and Kim's friend Ellen and study abroad in Italy with the opportunity to travel around from there.

Ah, but I'm greedy. I want more. I want to explore Africa and all it has to offer. I want to find any organization that will get me there and help me sustain myself long enough that I can learn my own way around and just see and absorb everything. The conflict and civil unrest in Mogadishu, Sudan, and a million other places; the experience of trying to avoid Malaria and a million other unimaginable viruses and ailments; the poverty and 3rd world living; the love of the earth and of people; the joy of seeing truly wild animals not in cages on display to the paying crowd. I want to visit South America and follow the trail of Che on a motorcycle. I want to hike in the wilderness of the Canada and Alaska; experience the island experiences of Greenland and Iceland. See the northern lights in Northern Scandinavia; go on the "vodka train" across Russia, Mongolia, and into China. I want to see the Urals, and visit all the "Stans". I want to visit a oil field in the middle east, a vineyard in france and italy, a coffee plantation; go island hopping in Greece. I want to go to India! I know nothing about Asia... at all, but I want to. Not to mention the coral reef and the outback in Australia and backpacking through New Zealand. I know I am greedy and selfish, but I can't help it. I want to experience as much as I can.

I've been seriously considering an "Around the World" ticket once this year is done, but I need to find the right companion to go with. I think I would pretty much join any not-for-profit organization that would take me out of the US for a year or two and put me to work doing physical labor or humanitarian aid. There are many out there: Peace Corps, Internation Habitat for Humanity, LEWA, Globe Med, Doctors without Borders, the list goes on and on. Who wants to join me?

But I fall into the same traps as everyone else too. I've become attached to my cellphone with its text messaging and free mobile to mobile. I like the choice to eat whenever I feel like it, whatever I feel like. I get lazy and don't take care of my body, because I have no drive to do anything. Honestly I feel bored with my job. I want a challenge. I've recently spent the past week doing pushups because someone told me about the 1700 club. It is a club that was started in a camp somewhere in New England. You have to complete 1700 pushups in 7 days or less. That comes out to 242 pushups a day. I didn't think it was really that much and I know I'll complete it, but man do my shoulders hurt. I know that I'm out of shape and not doing enough to fix it.

I need to get running shoes. I found out that the Nike Town near my work provides a running club on wednesday nights at 6:30 and you can even test run nike shoes for free if you show up. I did several of these runs while living in Chicago and enjoyed all of them. Push ups are a good start, but with travelling, I need more. I need some motivation. Next year I want to hike either the AT or the PCT with Justin (no I didn't forget!) and I know to keep up with him I'll have to seriously overhaul my body. I miss being around Justin because he drives me to do things. He is quite the inspiring person. I miss my running and frisbee partners in Chicago, Dave, Dan and Sean (although the socializing on the front porch probably didn't help out our fitness any).

I guess what I'm saying is that I want change. Change in my life and a change in me and my thinking. I'm going to spend the next 12 weeks of this year trying to turn around all the bad habits I've fallen into. We'll see if I can do it.